Friday, May 16, 2008

Just for laughs... The Zen of Sarcasm

A friend of mine sends me some of the funniest emails. I thought I would post this here for you. - BJ

The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you crticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


softinthehead said...

I LOVE IT! I copied and printed it so I can hang it over my desk! I am still laughing BJ it is great! Let me know if you are ready for another swap, my workroom is bulging, lol! Pam

Daughternature Primitive Folk Art said...

He he he! I'm glad you enjoyed it Pam. I loved the wool I got from you with our last swap. Let me do some spring cleaning to see what I have that you may enjoy. smiles!

Doreen said...

OMG..these are hysterical BJ...I LOVE THEM....I may have to put this post on my blog!!!!


ps...hey...i would like in on this swap!!!

Daughternature Primitive Folk Art said...

Doreen - you and I need to do a swap too! Getting new crafting goodies always stirs up some inspiration. I will keep in touch with you about it. Glad you enjoyed the post! smiles!!

clothnclay said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this! Some wonderful words of wisdom! Becky

Fine As Frog Hair Needfuls said...

thanks i needed a laugh! peace, melinda

Fine As Frog Hair Needfuls said...

thanks so much for the laughs! peace, melinda

Fine As Frog Hair Needfuls said...

thanks for the laughs! peace, melinda